How to teach your child
As in any group, there is also gossip. It starts in kindergarten, and in the middle and high school gossip is the constant companion of the relationship between children and the reason for the small tragedies. Teach your child how to respond to gossip, so he acquired a strong immunity against this infection.
Usually, gossip arise:
a) unintentional distortion of the truth,
b) desire for revenge,
g) the habit of gossiping.
It is therefore important to understand what motivates the person who started the gossip. If it was a revenge ex girlfriend or boyfriend, it is unlikely that the gossip have a shred of truth. If true friend accidentally said too much, and the others followed suit, adorned and carried on, it is not necessary to call the friend of the gossip girl. It happens to everyone!
Gossip can be divided into two groups: those that relate to your child personally, and those that have no direct relation to it, and hurt the rebound. Accordingly, changing the pattern of behavior in response to gossip.
Gossip directed against your child
It should be noted that the subject of discussion can be a way for your child to dress, his appearance, mental abilities, relationship with a friend (friend), his parents, selectively or in combination. Interested in all of this can one person or everyone. In the second case, if the collective (class) is not too friendly, your child gets caught in the crossfire; if the team is soldered, the rumor is formed like a snowball.
How to behave?
Tactics depends on the reaction of the child to gossip.
1. Your child wants the truth prevailed.
You should advise him to choose as a confidant of the chief talker in class, tell “secret” how things really are, then it is not his concern.
2. Your child amused, surprised, but not worried so much attention to his modest lady.
Then let not responding. Tired – will cease.
3. Your child should be flattered that they say a lot about him. He believes that gossip work on image creation, to which he aspires.
If you think so too (perhaps linked his future with the show-business, and prepare for public life), then I can tell you how to steer us in the right direction – for example, he can run “excellent” gossip about yourself, your favorite.
4. Your child will hurt gossip.
First of all, advise the child that he didn’t try to find out what it is about him said. First, in addition to disorders that will not yield anything. Secondly, if he does not feel a sin (no one was framed, did not disappoint each other, not told, not repulsed buddy with a girlfriend, not nausnice teacher), then he has nothing to worry about. So why should they worry? For example, your daughter’s friend whispers softly: “you know what they say about you. ” Let this question your daughter responds without hesitation: “I don’t know, and don’t want to know”.
If a child is found a small peccadillo, the mere appearance of the conversations should not be upset to tears, and be an occasion for introspection and resolve to change for the better.
Gossip directed against your child’s friends
Explain to your child that careless remark of one of his friends may be delegated to “get well” deliberately distorted. For example, in a conversation with other girls Larissa mentioned that your daughter does not know how to dress. The girls gave your daughter this observation, adding a few words from myself. Moreover, the true or perceived lack of taste does your daughter still did not prevent friendly relations Larissa and your Anna.
Tell my daughter that in such situations it is necessary to respond with restraint. It is quite possible that Larisa did not say anything about this, she attributed someone else’s opinion. For what purpose? Yes, at least for the purpose to quarrel with Anna Larissa. Do not go on about gossips and deliver them pleasure. Let your daughter smile and say calmly: “Well, everyone has their own idea about good taste. She has the right to think so, otherwise I”. And let keeps the brand until the end, without asking for anything from Larisa and doesn’t change his good relationship to her. Even if you said no problem, it’s just her opinion. Did my daughter (and you) didn’t make careless remarks about girlfriends?
Gossip relates to academic success
Some of the classmates behind your son said that his excellent grades is the result of currying favour with the teachers (of your offerings to the teachers, the school Director). If it is not true, respond to gossip and to prove otherwise in words makes no sense. Your son will say for themselves, so let’s not waste the time and effort to envious gossip and deals.
Gossip lead to intrigue and excite the whole team
If the children’s group because of gossip have created an unhealthy atmosphere, and in the center of this gossip – the dogged your child, you need to go to school and talk with the class teacher. The teacher, along with parents may elect different tactics. For example:
1) talk to everyone, listen to all the claims of children to each other, trying to understand what is happening;
2) collect the entire class, let everyone speak and to try to reconcile all warring;
3) give up takedowns and offer the children a chance to find common ground, to stop gossip in the team;
4) announce to the class that the first who will be known for spreading dirty rumors will be punished unsatisfactory grade in the behavior (tell that in adult life for libel and can attract!).
If they choose the first option, be prepared for a long and inconclusive war. And you can wallow in it and thus to resemble the gossip. The third and the fourth way will allow you to succeed. After all, if the teacher “leadership” intrigue, what’s the point? It can help to understand real-world problems, and not in the empty gossip. Gossip needs to stop is the only correct solution to the problem.
This word by analogy with the self-portrait is understood to be the gossip that the child has dissolved himself. Quite a common phenomenon that children tell stories about themselves (sometimes quite innocent) to hit Boyfriends, girlfriends. Explain to your child how dangerous such an occupation. First, Autoplate, passing through a dozen mouths, able to mutate so that the effect is not the one that originally expected by the author. And secondly, the child may become a hostage of Autoplate, if she believed his friends. How then to explain that nothing happened (didn’t steal a neighbor’s car and didn’t skate on it all night girls, have a terrible disease, and other passion-cheeky)? Know that you lied – you can laugh or you’ll never trust his words at all. So, as they say, you lie but not lie like a gas meter. Invent, fantasize, but don’t give away for reality and don’t be absurd.
Judge not, that ye be not judged
By the way, is it and your child in the habit of gossiping? If he says that he does not create gossip, and just “participates in the discussion”, ask him to control his behavior. Explain that a healthy team is not the one to gossip about each other, but the one where gossip is not allowed to spread. Tell him to prevent the emergence of gossip we can’t, because it is an objective process, but may not contribute to its further spread and overgrown with new details.
Ask for glory in the team he wants? You want to be in the class talked about you as a person just, which will not rashly condemn, not sell, not substitute? Unlikely in this characteristic fits addiction to gossip (I mean and blooming gossip, and indulging them). So stay alert, don’t let yourselves be drawn into their intrigues. And remember – gossip hurt only when they believe. Therefore, a universal tip: don’t pay attention to gossip!